Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
