I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
