You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
