the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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