So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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