Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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