My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
