if you like me you must not know who I am
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
