Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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