I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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