Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
