So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
