Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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