I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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