does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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