All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
