I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
