What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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