Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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