So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize