She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
