I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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