why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize