I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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