i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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