no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
