Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
