Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
