Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
