When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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