Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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