Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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