Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize