There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
