I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
im six kinds of drunk right now
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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