Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
