I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize