this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
