I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
