No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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