In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
