Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Randomize
