is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
