Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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