You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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