I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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