i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
