Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
