I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
