I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
