Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
