No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
