dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
