I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
