I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize