my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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