It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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