i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
