I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
