There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
