My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
