You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Randomize