At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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