His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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