we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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