You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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