I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
