how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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