meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
