i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
