He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
