alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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