Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
