You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
