I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
