I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
it was like eating out sand paper
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
