one two three fourrrrnication!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize