On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
