i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
