it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
