Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
